Following on from my previous blog about the science of ‘flipping your lid’, today I’m going to be sharing some tips on what may help when your lid or your child/ren's lid is about to be flipped! Please remember to be kind to yourself and your child/ren too, because being able to stay in control and build up your levels of tolerance does take time which means you need to be patient. It also requires a lot of practice, it may take a few attempts at a certain activity before it becomes your new coping mechanism. It is also important to listen to your body and encourage others to listen to theirs too- your body does tell you how it’s feeling, so if you take the time to listen and pick up on any sensations and emotions, you will have a better understanding of your feelings, but it will also give the opportunity to let your body know that you are in control and there’s no need to be afraid.
Now for some tips and tricks on how to stay in control:
Cold Air or Water on the Face: This will lower body temperature and heart rate which will then allow for the logical part of the brain to re-engage.
Exercise: You don’t need to overthink this. Something simple as a few yoga poses or going for a walk would suffice. For children, they may want to ride their bikes, have some time with their football, or again simply give them the opportunity to run or walk.
Counting Awareness/5 Step grounding technique: Look around you and count the things you can see, or use the 5 senses grounding technique to calm you down. 5 things you can see, 4 things you could touch, 3 things you could hear, 2 things you could smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Deep breathing: Breath in and out slowly and deeply from your stomach. You can try counting as you do this and ask your children to imagine all their worries leaving their bodies as they do this.
Do not negotiate, bargain or plead: If your child is in the midst of a tantrum do their lid being flipped, then do not try to escalate by negotiating, bargaining or pleading, it simply won’t work. Wait until your child has calmed down before you try to manage the situation.
Make time to chill: In our busy lives, downtime is important for both adults and children. Therefore make time for chill time, such as playing a family game, spending time in the garden, self-care activities. We often try pouring out of an empty cup- emotions can be hard to control so we need to take time to recharge!
Connect: Spend time with those who make you feel good. As for your children when they are having a meltdown, though it may not feel like it to you, they are trying to communicate that they have an unmet need. So be empathetic, give reassurance and affection and once they are calm, discussions around consequences can be had.
Practising exploring and naming feelings: By exploring emotions and feelings with your little people, means they will begin to recognise them and understand what is going on in their bodies. This will then mean their ability to self-regulate their emotions will increase. Eventually, they will have the language to communicate how they’re feeling, and their lids will hopefully remain securely on!
Here are some fantastic activities you could do with your child to help them explore their feelings:
https://mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/resources/activities-for-exploring-feelings/
https://www.towardwellbeing.com/emotion-naming-games-for-children
