It’s that time of year again where children are returning to school for their next venture, as all children are different, some may fly through this transitional period, for other children it may be an unsettling and worrying time, even for parents, it could be an emotional few weeks!
Although it may seem like I’ve steered away from all things Forest School in this blog, I do think this is the perfect time for me to share some tips on how to face separation anxiety. So first of all, it is important to remember that this is a normal process in your child’s development and in time, they do usually grow out of it, so try to be patient with the process.
Secondly, it is important to address these feelings with your child, what they are feeling are real emotions and they are important. Allow children to express themselves but also focus on helping them to manage these emotions too, this is an important part in helping them to become independent individuals. Try to avoid the use of rewards and consequences for this too, anxiety separation isn’t a behaviour, therefore it can’t be handled like we would behaviours. Anxiety separation is a natural instinct, and with help and support, your child can learn how to control it.
Planning and talking about what is about to happen is a useful to tackle separation anxiety. Talk to your child the night before about the upcoming day and prepare for the day together. Get them to help pack their bag ready, they may want to help you make their lunch or chose what they will be having in advance. The more they are aware of and in control of the better.
When it comes to leaving your child, it is always good to try have a routine for this that you can stick to. Once you’ve decided on this routine, for example a kiss on the cheek, a fist pump, handshake, try to maintain it and don’t allow yourself to stay longer than needs be so it has to be repeated, for example just one more kiss. The expectation needs to be goodbye means you are leaving but you will be back for them later. It is also important you don’t linger for too long too, children are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, and they will begin to recognise that if they are crying and you stay, it means they can hold on to you longer. Now these tears may be real and the situation you are in could be quite hard on your own emotions, but by not lingering, they are learning to be resilient which will lead to independence. If you give them the option of being there when they cry, they will always choose that option and those skills will not develop.
Now this little bit of advice might be a difficult one, but try to keep your own emotions in check. Try maintain a brave face and a level of control for your little human, now this may seem like backwards advice, because usually we want to show that it is ok to have emotions, however in this situation, it is helping your child to feel secure in the situation they are facing, and if they sense you’re upset or see you crying, their reluctance to leave you will only increase! Once leaving your little poppet, you can have your moment to release all the built-up emotions.
Things may be a little chaotic to start with, but try to remember this is normal, changes can mean emotions run high but this won’t be a forever thing either.
