A new school year is about to begin, this can be a difficult time for children as they try settle into their new routines. Therefore, my ‘back to school’ post this year is all about dealing with the dreaded after school restrain collapse.
What is it?
Ever wondered why your child may be a little angel in school, but as soon as they get home, they flip their lids and you get a different version of your child? Well this is called school restrain collapse, and it means your child regresses emotionally once they are home from school. They may be tantrums, crying, neediness and moodiness, and your child may also look or show signs of being exhausted. If you find this happens to your child, don’t worry as it is completely normal! When in school your child has to show a lot of self-control, they have rules to follow, they can’t always do what they want and at times they have to take part in activities they simply do not enjoy. By the end of the day, your child is ready to release their emotional, mental and physical energy that has been building up. Children will do this around you as you are their safety net, so they are able to release their emotions knowing they can do this safely.
How to handle the restrain collapse:
1) Give your child time to process the school day- Your child may not be ready to talk about their day straight away. Give your child some time to process the school day before you begin questioning them. A conversation at evening meal time, during bath time or at bedtime may be better as your child will be more relaxed.
2) Plan in some downtime for your child- The school day doesn’t always finish at school, with the added pressures of homework and reading to be done. So, it is important to plan this carefully and ensure your child also has the opportunity for some time to shut off from all things school. Downtime can be done in several ways, it can be going for a walk, letting your child play out, allowing them some time in front of the tv or simply letting them go into their safe space for a little while.
3) Allow time for unstructured play- The school day involves so much structure and there isn’t often time for them to play, especially as they move up through school. Children need play and it can be very stressful for them if they are not given the opportunity. Therefore, by allowing time for your child to choose their play will help their stress levels down.
4) Food! - Children are often hungry after school, and as we all know, hunger can change the way we behave at times. Therefore, provide children with food and a drink when they are home to help keep their hunger at bay. Alternatively, you could pick them up with a snack to hand! #
5) Think about how you greet your child- Working in schools in the past, I’ve often seen children come out of school to be greeted by their parent who is on their phone, or inconvenienced by the school run weather, or just simply aren’t in the best of moods. Try to greet your child warmly when the finish school, with a smile and a hug and acknowledge anything they have made for you.
6)Have a home/school connection with your child- Let your child know you are thinking about them by placing notes in their lunchbox, putting a little heart in their pocket or let them take a take an object from home to and from school.
7) Look after yourself- It can be a challenge and it may be an anxious time for you too, knowing a meltdown could be pending. So, very importantly, take some time before school finishes and after to look after yourself. You are doing everything you can as a parent and meltdowns are not a reflection on you!
